writing

10:23pm pst 10/25/26 (on flight back from seattle to sf)

i almost died, lowkey quite literally. i had to process a bit, so i finally wrote this out at the very end of the month. i encountered a small bump. then suddenly i was in a flipped over car. then the sounds of police talking amongst themselves as to why i wasn’t dead. by some miracle, I walked away with just a scratch on my left arm.

i had written something about life being incredibly long and incredibly short, but this was an odd reminder that life is incredibly short.

i had been thinking of life in terms of being incredibly long; what are my goals for this next year, how will they get me to where i want to go the next 5 years etc. is this the most logical decision, am i making the right sacrifices? but momentarily, it all disappeared.

and that’s why i spend every day nowadays just trying to be grateful for the small moments. the small but delicious bite of (halal) spiced beef, laughter with a friend, crisp morning air. hell, even people that are upset at me or don’t talk with me anymore i can only think fondly of them. I want to be filled with life. I’m making music, talking to random drummers on the street / drumming with them, dancing my entire heart out to music even when it’s embarrassing, watching sunsets, jumping into lakes even when people don’t usually do that crap. I let myself sob until tears roll down my neck and soak my shirt, challenge myself to harder technical problems / concepts, and try my best to put my ego aside and work with my friends. I still feel so much love for all the incredible people i’ve ever cared about.

there’s a good dose of me still thinking long term, mostly trying to prevent hurt (which i’ll bear silently). but ultimately, there really are many things in life i can’t control. i’m working with what i can. my deepest apologies and celebration to the fellow humans I’ve encountered, existing and figuring things out beside me.